1. HONESTY: The best way to teach your child to be truthful is to be truthful yourself. Don’t tell your child to tell your landlord that you are not at home when you are, or let them hear you telling your friend that you are in Lagos when you are in Abuja. Also don’t over react when your child lies; instead help them find a way to tell the truth. When you discover they have done something, instead of asking “why did you break the glass”? You could ask, “What happened that the glass got broken?" That way the child has no opportunity to lie.
Your child takes cues from you, so it’s important you avoid any form of deception. Let your child hear you being truthful with other adults. It might not be convenient, it might not be comfortable, but you always feel good after telling the truth.
2. JUSTICE: Insist your child makes amends. Teach your child to identify and express her feelings and to understand why she behaved in a certain way, and then encourage her to take actions to remedy a wrong. Saying “I’m sorry” is easy for a child and lets a child off the hook without forcing her to think. But having a child make amends conveys a much stronger message. Help your child think of a way to compensate if they have behaved badly towards another. Perhaps they could replace a playmates toy they damaged with one of theirs. By encouraging your child to make such gestures, you emphasize the importance of treating people fairly.
3. DETERMINATION: Encourage your child to take on a challenge. Determination is a value you can encourage from a very young age. The easiest way to do this is by avoiding excessive praise, and by providing children with honest feedback, delivered in a gentle, supportive fashion. Another way to help children develop determination is to encourage them to do things that don’t come easily- and to praise them for their initiative. My daughter is shy in front of a crowd,(she calls it stage fright), so I encourage her to do presentations in front of everyone in the house. I also include her in competitions that involve her standing before a crowd. We are not yet there, but we are making progress. Congratulate children when they manage to do things that are difficult for them, this encourages them and makes them determined to keep trying.
4. CONSIDERATION: Teach children to think about other people’s feelings. Engage your child in problem-solving exercises; this helps them learn the value of consideration. Over time, they see that words or actions can make another person smile or feel better and that when they are kind to someone else, that person is nice to them. This feedback encourages other genuine acts of consideration.
5. LOVE: Be generous with your affection. We as parents tend to think that children are naturally loving and generous with their affection. This is true, but for loving sentiments to last, it has to be reciprocated. Let your child see you demonstrate love and affection for the people in your life. Talk to them about how much you love and appreciate their grandparents, aunt, uncles. And of course, don’t let a day pass without showing your child how much you love her. The more hugs and kisses you give, the more hugs and kisses you get. The more you say ‘I love you”, the more your house is filled with love. Even when the hassle of the day catches up with me, my daughter remembers to always say “I love you” with a hug and a kiss, that makes my day.
Remember that you cannot give what you don’t have, so if these values are lacking in your life, it will be hard to instill or teach them to your children. If you need to improve yourself as a parent please do so for the sake of our children who deserve the best of us.
Till next time, Excellence is our aim!
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